In my 30 years on this planet, I haven't celebrated Valentine's day with a partner because I've always been single or I've had crushes on guys but they've never pulled through to me and been like "Here, have some flowers, I like you" And the thing is I wanted to feel normal, for once.
I've been seeing/sleeping with the same guy for the past 4 months. We've had some serious arguments over the past few weeks because we have different expectations of what we want from each other. Except, we power through and we work through it. I don't know why we do, because we're always going to be mates, but anything more? I have no idea why we work through it.
At the moment, we won't be a couple; he doesn't want a relationship because he's just broken up with his ex-partner 6 months ago. They were together for nearly 10 years and have 2 children together. And here's me; no relationship experience, no kids, nothing. I've been going to therapy for the past 2 years to get over my fear of relationships and abandonment issues, along with other personality issues I wanted to work through.
Except I still fall for men who aren't available and I stay. I hope for the best, I hope that they'll come through and it will change.
He wished me a Happy Valentine's Day but no flowers, no chocolates, no card- nothing, and I feel like it's confirmed that I am nothing. I am not worthy of attention or being spoilt. I'm not going to say "Oh it's just a day to get you to spend money" I DO NOT CARE!! It's nice to know that here in the UK, France, Australia, Canada, and a few other places all choose the one day to celebrate a day about LOVE.
What's wrong with that?!
I've mentioned to him that I wanted him to be my first to celebrate it, even if it's with cheap flowers and I haven't heard anything back. Nothing. Obviously, I'll give him time but I need to fucking MOVE THE FUCK ON!
My friend has messaged me wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day and he's asked if I'm being cutesy with someone. I've kinda gone on a little rant and he asked "isn't this the same guy that you went crazy on last week?"
Well, yeah, but he hurt me. I felt like he lied to me and just made me feel like an idiot for vulnerable and for liking him.
Anyway, just a quick post, I'm going to go cry into the chicken I'm cooking, the bottle of wine I bought myself, and the chocolates my mum got me lol